McCluskey’s 2013 New Year’s Resolutions
1. I am intentionally late this year in posting my New Year’s Resolutions because I am taking the lead from our political elite. I resolve to do everything I possibly can at the very last minute, even if it is nothing, and I may wait and finish doing that tomorrow.
2. I resolve never to wear flip flops next to a child who is in the next urinal stall.
3. I resolve that the next time my friend visits me from Montana I’ll tell him that the shrimp are not crunchy and will show him how to peel and eat them.
4. I will try to find a pill that changes my attitude with the side effect that makes me believe the majority of my countrymen are brilliant.
5. This year I’m going to take my wife on a glorious Mexican vacation and then sneak back across the border so we can get benefits.
6. I went to Vietnam during the late sixties and early seventies and missed out on all the drugs, sex and rock and roll. Now that I am in my sixties I resolve to catch up. But I will keep it legal with medicinal marijuana and Viagra. I will not road trip any bands. I’ll just listen to all the dead guys.
7. This year I will fix the light in our new bathroom instead of, during football commercials, shooting haphazardly until I hear the tinkle of water.
8. Since the IRS will take until February to process tax returns and send out any refunds, I will give myself 30 days extra to file my 6 month extension. If nothing is done about the budget or the national debt at the end of that time I will send them a notice that I have given myself a raise and will file whenever I feel like it. Quid pro Quo.
9. I resolve to give myself the usual two weeks to lose weight.
It is my hope that we here at Bolongabrain will have a cerebral hemorrhage this year and put forth more information that will be of absolutely no use to anyone but a lot fun to read.
Happy belated New Year
Spyder McCluskey… former hockey player, great mystery writer living in the keys